“Lest Ye Be Judged: Two New Releases at a Glance.” by Samantha Russell
Two New Releases at a Glance. Literally.
Lest ye be judged.
Fergie 
The Dutchess (Interscope)
Described as: Not much we can tell you that you don’t already know. One of the tags for this album on Amazon was “Drag Queen,” so that’s something.
At a glance: Ah, my new Frederick’s of Hollywood catalog is in. I wonder what kind of crotchless panties are in this season. What’s that? Oh, this is Fergie’s album? My mistake. Well, I’m sure this will help Fergie on her way to becoming a respectable solo artist. She has a song called “Fergalicious,” which, by no coincidence, is an Aztec word meaning “infused with intellectual and artistic merit.”
Paul Westerberg Open Season (Lost Highway)
Described as: Sony told the former singer/songwriter of the Replacements, “We’ve got this bear movie coming up. Do you wanna do a bear movie?” And he said, “Sure, I can do that.”
At a glance: The day PETA has been warning us about is finally here. Woodland creatures, outraged by our meat and medical industries, have prepared to wreak havoc on an unsuspecting populace. Well, all except the bear. Unwilling to join his violent compatriots, this bear has chosen instead to happily plunge our toilets. At least there’s comfort in knowing that while we’re all being brutally murdered at the hands of an adorable furry creature, our plumbing will remain in working order.
Samantha Russell is a member of the Philadelphia-based sketch comedy troupe Secret Pants, which will be hosting filmmaking workshops Fri., Oct. 6-Sun., Oct. 8, various times. Free. West Chester Film Festival, various venues. 610.918.1250. www.secretpants.net
