“Lest Ye Be Judged: Two New Releases at a Glance.” by Brian Kelly
Two New Releases at a Glance. Literally.
Lest ye be judged.
by Brian Kelly
Grates 
Gravity Won’t Get You High (Cherry Tree/Interscope)
Described as: An explosion of tasty pop without the bubblegum.
At a glance: Wow! A band that isn’t concerned about changing the way we think. You know what else won’t get you high? Robots. Fact: In 2018 robots will take over society and make millions off the legalization of marijuana. If this isn’t a fact, explain to me how I just read it somewhere in the very same article you’re reading. Just wait for the Grates’ next album Heat Is Hot.
Hard-Ons Most People Are a Waste of Time (Bad Taste)
Described as: Australia’s Sex Pistols, Kiss, Beatles, Motörhead, Beach Boys and Ramones.
At a glance: Is there a way to write an obituary for a member of this group without using the phrase “former Hard-On”? Regardless, congratulations to 8-year-old J.J. McCallister for winning the “Create the Hard-Ons’ Album Cover” contest. The decision was reached during a whose-dad-is-stronger debate. That, and J.J. has cancer. All album proceeds go toward his recovery. Buy it so a headline somewhere can read, “Hard-Ons Cure Cancer.”
Brian Kelly is a member of the Philadelphia-based sketch comedy troupe Secret Pants, which performs Tues., Sept. 12, 9pm. Free. N. Third, Third and Brown sts. 215.413.3666. www.secretpants.net
