“Unwrapped: Judging two new CDs by their covers.” by Josette Hammerstone
Unwrapped
Judging two new CDs by their covers.
Jesse McCartney 
Right Where You Want Me (Hollywood)
Described as: This 19-year-old has firm traction on a couple different freeways to mega-stardom.
At a glance: Now here’s something you don’t see often: a blond, clean-cut Aryan kid trying to look badass while showcasing lyrical brilliance like, “Girl, how could you leave me like this when we just bought a puppy? Now me and the puppy are sad, girl.” His poster will probably sit in many a tween girl’s bedroom right next to that kid from High School Musical. Also, isn’t that the warehouse where they shot “Beat It”?
All That RemainsThe Fall of Ideals (Razor & Tie)
Described as: Grinding riffs, unrelenting rhythms, New England death metal.
At a glance: Dear God, did Mel Gibson have to do another cut of The Passion of the Christ? It’s not even close to a Holy Week! Oh wait, my bad. That isn’t a Passion of the Christ poster; it’s a plug for a new David Boreanaz series tentatively titled I’m a Hot Yet Emotionally Troubled Vampire Trying to Save the World While Coming to Terms With My Unholy Nature. (Long titles are in right now.)
Josette Hammerstone is a member of the Philadelphia-based comedy troupe Secret Pants. Watch skits and more at www.secretpants.net
